Under the liquid poison

I am drunk right now, another night where I swallowed down the cheap liquor thinking of him, forcing myself not to cry.

I am drunk right now, thinking of the times I survived your loss. No you are not dead. You were just heartless to leave into the darkness. I was scared of that darkness where you left to.

I am drunk right now and I crave for your touch. My brain tells me you are gone. It keeps shouting that you’re gone. But I disregard because I know you will think of me sometime when you are drunk too. I love you.

I am drunk right now, so I could sleep. Thoughts of you keep me awake at night and even at the wee hours. Alcohol is no match with memories of you.i can’t feel my skin. I can’t hear you anymore. But I know one thing for sure. I loved you so much.


I loved you.

I really loved you.



-drunk throughts-


Follow @herstory_in_ink in Instagram for my poetry series.



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Loving you is like being at the edge of the shore with rough waves.

Where I am struggling to stay put .

Loving you is like being in the deep waters,

Terrifying yet somewhat beautiful.

You pull.

I push

You Push.

I pull.

Your words are stronger, so i find it hard to stay put.

I swirl in the swish of waves,

You pull me back even when you know that i can’t swim.

Into the deep waters I go,

There you let go.

I go down.



You Disregard. Smile.

The End .


Find more poems like these at @herstory_in_ink in instagram. Thanks!


Final Trip to Batu Caves

How to reach batu caves via public transport? 

No matter where you are, make your way to KL Sentral. It is easily accessible by LRT and buses. From KL Sentral, take the KTM to batu caves. It costs RM 2.60 for a one way trip. Batu Caves is the last station. If you are not using a travel card such as touch n go, you will be given a token. Make sure you dont lose the token. 

After reaching the station, make your way out ( right side of the exit). Once you pass by and walk a little bit, you will be welcomed with the big statue of Lord Muruga, as shown below.

There are also a lot of pigeons and monkeys on the ground area as well as the stairs. There are more than 200 stairs and it is quiet a climb. Make sure you are not wearing shorts or short skirts as you are required to buy a compulsory piece of cloth to cover the legs. Therefore, it is important to be dressed decently and comfortably. 

While climbing the stairs, beware of the monkeys. They are smart in snatching food, drinks and small items from your hands. 

This is the view at the top. You will be pleasantly welcomed with the mild scent of burning incense sticks. 

There are statues of different hindu gods such as ganapathy as you walk further into the cave. 

View from inside

As you leave, make sure you get a picture with the pigeons. 

Well thats the end of the Batu Caves journey. Ticket back to KL Sentral will cost RM2.60 and your train would be in platform 1. 

Best times to visit, after 4 pm on weekdays as there are less people. 

Thank you for reading my post. 

Final Days in Malaysia (mini travalogue)

I have reached my last week of my life in Malaysia. It wasn’t always easy, but i had lots of good memories. Lots of places that i loved, lots of new experiences. Life is a journey, and everything has to move on. In this little series, i will be sharing about the few good and famous tourist spots of Malaysia (specifically around Kuala Lumpur). Thank you for reading and i hope you will enjoy my first travelogue post about Batu Caves. Check it out in my next post. 

I dream of…

I used to dream of a life where i am happily looking outside a window, overlooking a water body, with gentle breeze brushing off my hair and me feeling tranquil as every strand of my hair slowly brushes against my skin. Currently , as my life have hit a huge break, that perfect future is long way down. 13117949_1734032700197019_1759514266_n.jpeg

But i am allowed to dream of simpler things. I am allowed to wish for simple things. I dream of going for a night drive on a wet, drizzly night, with slow piano music in the background, in my worn out car. Thinking about absolutely nothing but just savoring the empty streets that probably glowing yellow with the dim street lights. Just the slow, faint music, sound of the engine and the slow whizz of the air conditioner in the car if there is any.

I dream of being able to enjoy every sip of coffee i take, alone, taking in the subtle aroma of roasted coffee beans. Not feeling lonely, or jealous seeing another “couple” sitting opposite of me. Instead, i dream of being able to enjoy that loneliness, to enjoy in my presence. Listening to my own breathing, senses.

I dream of a day where i am able to go to a place where i can mentor someone. Where i can be there to listen, to be someone’s hope, when they have none.

I dream of being genuinely happy with myself; no not always, but at least most of the time.

He is getting married

After all the fiasco, i go the news that he is getting married in April or May. i remember seeing the message and freezing instantly. it was my aaro that was getting married soon. i still haven’t digested the fact that the man i loved with every fiber of my being, is getting married to someone else. how could he move on so quick? doesnt it mean what we had for 2 and a half years was seemingly meaningless? it hurts like you are being burnt alive. but i hide the pain and give out a smile, for i have told everyone that i have moved on. i hope he will be happy. i only wish him the best.


dear aaro, you were my everything, you still are. but now you are going to be a married man soon. take care of yourself and her. bye



My Depression

My Depression is a shape shifter. One day it is small; barely noticeable, whereas other days it stands right in front of me; bright and colourful. On those days its bright and colourful, i get blinded to a point that i am oblivious, lost and scared of everything around me. The bad days are my heavier days. From the moment i open my eyes, its like something is pulling me so close to the bed. I would keep checking the time and it would be going so slow. Tears roll down every damn day, and i immediately wipe it off before it reaches my cheek. The “Me” that everyone knows is not the real me.  There are days when i cry for hours, sometimes 2 ,sometimes 6.  there are days when i don’t eat. there are days that i binge so much that at the end of the day all i want to do is vomit. the moment i see someone, it turns into this bubbly cheer. happy smiles. but this depression have taken away the best of me. i have lost someone that i really love to this. that person got fooled by what my depression did. it wasn’t me. it was my depression.

there are days when anxiety creeps on me every other night. nightmares. wake up once, wake up twice and before i know it, its 8 in the morning and i got 3 hours of sleep. yet i put on a big smile and walk out. some nights the anxiety wraps me around, traps me and chokes me. chokes me so bad that i think i am going to die. the following morning i still lie on my bed from the tiredness, sore eyes, painful chest. i pull myself up and put on that happy face.

there are nights when alcohol becomes my best friend. there are nights where i crumble and tremble. i am tired but please know, i am trying to get better. i am trying to escape. i am really trying to escape from this demon called depression

it’s not anyone else’s fault. it is not my fault. its just my fate.