Jose is leaving Bangalore. Work related. This resonates with me of the time when Aaro was leaving. I dont think Jose knows that i love him. I love him regardless of his chaotic life. Regardless of his messed up past. regardless of his unsure future, but see, love is a two way thing right. He probably sees me as a fuck buddy only. maybe that is the truth. but compared to other people it felt different with him. So the same feeling rushed over me like 2 years ago. That same blanket cloud of depression. I am not eating well. I am having headaches and all already. I loved and thats the mistake i did. i have to move on from him too. dont know how long its going to take, months or years. jose will even be married by then. maybe that is what will make me sweep back away from him.
Its okay, i am used to rejection. its okay,,,im used to being unloved. Its okay…im used to being not good enough. its okay. iam used to all these. This rupi kaur poem describes exactly how i am feeling.
Good bye Jose. You don’t need to love me if you don’t feel it. You can continue shutting your emotions off. Its fine. Il cry , dont know for how long. Not because you dont like me, but because i will miss having a good friend that i can come to in the middle of the night. I will miss having a reason spend my weekends outside. I will miss you,and your weird silence that i really love. Everything will be okay, jose, just like you said. You will probably never see this but i really loved you, though from a distance.you maybe loved me for my pussy but i saw you beyond your dick.
ps: i stare at aju because he looks like you, not because i like aju.